my lovely confidante-(Şubat 98)

    It is always pleasent to look through an old photograph album.Hundreds of people are gathered there together:garend parents,parents,uncels,aunts,cousins and friends.For a short time it's possible to see them all again in some of the happiest moments of their lives.
    When i want to  escape from this life,I take my spectacles,my short cloak and sit in my rocking chair near the window with this old album in my hand.I look,if i can remember those hundreds of different faces while i'm turning the pages delicately,everytime that beautiful lady,wih big brown eyes,and an enourmous,colourful,furry hat on her head...looks at me like interrogating me again at this age.
     Just for few minutes that picture returns me to those old days,to that wooden house of her in which  i've lived the most beautiful days in my life with my confidante,my aunt..The only person who knows my secret love at fourteen,who saves me and also whom that i believe she loves me.
    When she died ,i was twenty and now fifty years passed over that pain in my heart,but believe me  nobody could fill that space after her.I can still remember  her huge eyes staring at me,her ringing voice in my ears and her smiling face in my mind.
     Her wooden house was at the top of a slope.And every night ,i was climbing to there on cool september days under the rain like a whip.While i was walking,her red lamp  at the balcony was blazing like a blood drop.Inside of the house,the smell of a rotten wood,mouse and mould made me dizzy.
     She always liked to live alone because she was a freedom-lover.Therefore,she never married and the other members of our huge family never loved her.So that is the reason of why she doesn't seem in the photos like those.
     When i take this old album in my hand,in my rocking chair for a shorttime,i spend hours looking at just one.And when i look from the window,at the background of the dark green stonepines,i can see the white moon and the blazing stars at the sky.After  a minute,a shooting  star appears .I understand that a young girl loses her confidante and an another  blood drop falls from the balcony of a wooden house.